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Micronesian Jokes
  • ."DISCLAIMER: All postings under the heading Micronesian Jokes are strictly those of the authors and posters and did not, in any form or intents, represent those of MicSem, as others have claimed to mislead and misguide other posters. All posters or authors in Micronesian Jokes are duly responsible for their own postings, the impacts and aftermaths thereof, and anyone who shall willfully discredit or defame MicSem on account of those who post their jokes or exercise their rights to express themselves humorously or exercise their freedom of speech shall be sent to COM to enlist in the civic 101 course or simply be asked to refrain from bad-mouthing other posters in here."


    With Respects to Fr Hezel and Keta: Thank you for keeping this post open for as long as humanly possible.

    I thought it would be good to share real life micronesian stories and Jokes: I'm inviting everyone to join in! (not so nasty ones OK folks...I don't want Keta to close me down...)


    True Story: Late 60's, A man travelling down from the OI came to YCA and saw for the first time, Ice cream. He tried one eskimo bar and thought, "my kids will love this stuff!" 2 days before the ship left, he bought 3 buckets of ice cream put them in box, and wrote a note to his wife,.."I tried this stuff and it tastes terrific. Please share with our family..."

    He sent the box on a 2 week trip to back to his home island.
  • Two very old ladies had called for a cab to go to the hospital, but this being the first time on the big island, they asked what a taxi looked like. The others who were gathered around the house just said that it is a pick up with an antenna on top. A pickup pulled in and they immediately got on the back of the truck and pointed east saying, "hospital, hospital!"

    Needless to say the police officers were very understanding and wanted to help these lovely ladies get to their destination.
  • wahahahahhahahhahahha akakakkakakkakakakakkakakakakakakka LMAO!
  • Fan Pono

    Similar to the ice cream joke, this old lady from one of the outer island stopped by an ice cream parlor/stand, with several women from the same island. And this is after one of the disastrious typhoon hit Chuuk in the 80's, when the fema money released, and in this old lady case, she went to this ice cream parlor and demand for ice cream with same number of ladies went with her to cash her fema check. They stood at the counter eating away all the ice cream until gone, the store clerk friendly asked them to leave because there were no ice cream to serve as they eaten all what had left from previous days. These ladies got mad and demand for the cone alone without ice cream. Thought this is funny!
  • That was a good one...

    My son was in first grade when he was learning the Lord's prayer, I wanted him to show his granma what he learned, so he mustered all his pride and began....'in the name of the father, and of the son, and the holy spear ribs amen...."
  • Kap
    those jokes of yours are terrific but how old is the son....all these years I thought ur one of the most active bachelor around the neighborhood but I guess I was down and under for that matter. Anyway, continue the jokes......good for the soul and mind.
  • A Pohnpeian man,first time in the United States and first time away from home, went on a long stroll down a park in downtown Manhattan, suddenly got hungry and quickened his pace towards a hot dog stand. Hmmm, hot dog! my gawd, here in america? He thought to himself and ordered one hot dog to go. After, noticing the long sausage looking meat between the sandwich, he threw the hot dog sandwich back at the vendor and scowled the poor fella, saying.....sanapapes, we eat dog, but not that part!................
  • Ramen in Bowl

    One day there men went out for fishing on their motor boat. One Japanese, a Phillipino and a Pohnpean. While sitting in their boat waiting the Japanese started eating out his ramen and finally, he just threw his left over into the water..Yelled out the Pohnpean, why you threw it away!, replied the Japanese, ohh we got plenty of those in our country!. So suddenly, the Pohnpean grabbed the Phillipino and threw him out into the water, then the Japanese shouted, pakaro! why you did that. replied the Pohnpean ohh! we got plenty of those in our country.
  • This was in the early 70's when Chuuk Hospital used to referred their patients to Tripler Hospital, Oahu. Two men from Losap, the older men was the father and was the patient. The younger one was his son, accompanied him for their first trip out of Chuuk. One Sunday after the father's check-up, he was just laying in bed homesick. He's son wandered around the hospital corridor and came upon the "Chapel". He came running back to his father's room.

    " Father, you must get up and go to church, they have a church in this hospital, except it has a bad name on the front door". He's father asked him, and what kind of name would that be? The son said, C H A P E L! In our Chuukese language means, "Chapel, ka mour, nge me ren chon ei pioing, Chapel, ka fel ngeni semach won lang!
  • When President Leo was about to march on the sandy beach of Losap, the chief of the municipal police commanded his two rows of cops, "an salute!"..while the cheering crowd welcomed the President for the first time on their island. As soon as the President passed the Chief, he wanted to command his police again, but he forgot the words, so he improvised..." wechetu!"..his team, instead of lowering their salutes broke out in laughter at their boss...knowing he forgot the words.

    One Mokilese guy actually swam with a ice-cream cone from Kolonia shore toward Denpei to have his kid try the ice-cream. Half way there, fatigue caught up with him and he just had to use the other arm... "oh crap!"...he promised himself to get ashore and paddle back on his canoe. The thing people would do for ice-cream.

    My aun-in-law is such a neat old woman, she couldn't stand untidy houses. One morning, she had to take her grandson to the Headstart Center. When she got on the school bus, she left her zorries on the ground. At the center, she coudnt get off because she didnt have her zorries.

    Two Mortlockese guys went out fishing near the Palikir Pass, and one of them actually stole their uncle's fishing spear. He speared a huge fish and the spear caught the fish and got stuck in a rock. They couldnt retrieve the spear and the fish...and worries overcame them if they'd go back without the uncle's spear...or a the fish to cheer him up. So the other guy came up with a brilliant idea. " Let's go back in and get another spear." "But, how do we get back out here to the exact spot?" inquired the worried buy. " Ok...see that cloud overhead? Let's use it as the marking...when we come back out!."

    Two elderly best friends came to Kolonia to have sakau. They parked their pickup car a bit farther away from the bar so none of their friends could join them or "parasite" them. Half way through, none of them other elderly buddies showed up, so they drank and made fun of their friends who didnt see them. They certainly outsmart their friends. They drank until they could barely walk back to their car..but they managed anyway. When they got to their pickup truck, it was overflowed with trash higher than their heads. They parked it outside Ambros Store and the cleaning guys thought it was there for their trash. The cops who pulled them over coudnt give them tickets after they heard the story and seeing them in extreme sakau condition.

    Their ticket said, "littering public highway".
  • This man from Tuluk who works in the Church has a son. He went to his son and said, Son I notice that your grades are not getting better, and you don't seem to clean up after yourself and your room is a mess. I am taking your car keys until you can show me that you are improving your grades and do some cleaning up. A month later the son went to his dad and said, Dad I want my keys back now because, as you can see, my grades improved and I did clean up and my room is very clean. And, also, I just want you to know that I studied my Bible too. The father said,Yes you are right, you did what I told you to do. But I noticed something changed about you. Your hair is long now. The son said, I really did some reading and I noticed that Samson, Jesus and many other people in the Bible had long hair. So that's why I grew my hair long. Is that so?, the father said. So you want to be like Samson and Jesus? Yes dad. Well son, you if you really want to be like them, I am not going to give you your keys, because Jesus, Samson and the others walked every where they went.
  • Thats a good one Kuttuisland! Thank you.
  • true story...but funny..

    two pni guys came to california...their first time outside of the island... another pni who was in calif for a while took this two guys for a walk...they came up to a crosswalk but can't cross the street cuz the sign says "DON'T WALK"... As the sign changed to "WALK" they started crossing the street, the two new guys follow the other guy...the experienced guy got to the other side of the road when he heard the cars start honking their horn...and has he turned around, he saw two new guys standing in the middle of the crosswalk..... "What are you guys doing?" asked the experienced guy.... "The sign starts flashing DON'T WALK, so we stopped...in the middle of the street.." replied the two new guys...thought it was funny....
  • A Ponapean friend(Este) shared this story about the early missionary to Ponape. Some of the islanders went to the ship and exchanged goods with some of the new comers. And the Captain gave the chief a present. The chief never saw steel before, and that's what the Captain gave the chief, a steel bar. So the chief was so happy because that was the stronger piece of material he ever knew. So afraid that he might loose that one, He decided to plan it in the taro patch to grow. So he did. He planted the steel bar in the mud and stood it up as a plant to grow. Every morning, he checked his new plant. He saw that the steel bar started to rust, and said that his new plant was growing.
  • Couple Chuukese, from the island of Tonowas and they are residing in Guam for few years. One ofthem is best friend of one of the police officer. He always go with his police ffiend and hang out at the officer's place. One day he brought his butty from Tonowas to his friend's house. The police officer has a big dog. Really nice dog. They hang around his place and they saw the dog running around the yard. As they went back to their house and his friend told him about the officer's dog. He wanted to eat that dog. One day, this guy went back with his officer friend and they ahng out at his palce. The police started talking about his mom's 70th birthday that we wanted to celebrate it. And the Chuukese guy said to his firend, that would be nice of you doing that for your mom. The officer told him on Friday, we are going fishing and ask your other Chuukese firend to watch my dog. They left fishing and the dog was at his firend. His firend cannot really beleive that they let him watch the dog. He killed the dog and baked him. Saturday morning they all got together at the beach. Everyone liked the meat of the dog. The officer was the one that really liked it. He told Chuukese friend, my dad's birthday is next month and I want you to cook the same meat that you cooked for my mom. The Chuukese replied, no problem sir.... just me another dog to watchover and I'll take care of your dad. Since then, this office start looking for any dogs that are running around loose on the street. He enjoyed eating dog.

    Special thanks to the Chuukese (Tonowas) from him and his family.
  • One sunday after service, all the Losapese church leaders were having a feast. The pastor asked this most devoted church usher to bless the food. 'I'm shy(u sawu)', replied the usher. With out questioning the usher, the pastor led them in the blessing. After saying grace the pastor asked the usher why was he shy to pray. 'Oh, I thought you asked me to go borrow salt,' answered the usher.
  • A preacher and his wife has a 6 yrs old son and they just arrived in Saipan for their mission. On the morning of easter sunday a neighbor girl came and knocked on the door. Their 6 yrs. old son opened the door and the girl gave him a box of chocolate bars and said "happy easter". As soon as she left he exclaimed "I hate chocolates" but realized his mom loves chocolate. So he went running and immediately opened the door of his parent's bedroom. He was surprises to see his parents mingled on the bed. He said "mom are you guys making babies". Mon didn't know what to say but the father poked his head out under the blanket and said to his son, "would you like a brother or a sister". The son cried out "please dad no want a poppy!!" The father said " please go out and close the door, that will take long time."
  • Wow! Looks like I'm not the only one with real Micronesian stories...Those are all good ones!

    When the missionaries first came to Yap, they were'nt so excited about the idea of topless women in grass skirts. They bishop was scheduled to come and see the island for the first time, and the priest had asked the ladies to cover up upon his arrival.

    The boat came early the next day and the women were not prepared to meet the bishop, so they ran excitedly to the beach and exclaimed,"oh no...remember what padre said!"

    They lifted the front of thier grass skirts to cover up and yelled "hellooo!"
  • This one is about some Mochese from the Satawan Island group. Some of the Mochese(Emilio,Tetor, Abulto and Fetune) taking a return trip back to Weno(Truk). As they approached Weno, Emilio said, Hey guys, do you see those crabs coming town on the road?
    And they said, Yes we do. And Tetor said, Hey guys, do you see those cloth lines up there on those poles? They said, we do. Then one smart guy from my island Kuttu overheard them. He came and told them. Hey Mocheses, those things you said they are crabs, they are actually cars. And those lines you said they are cloth lines, they are power lines on the telephone pole.
  • Chuuk State Police from Losap,
    this guy came out form middle of nowhere, went to apply for a job as a police office. Somehow he got the job. He started driving around on Moen doing patroling. He drove up by the resturant and saw this poor guy just pulled out from the parking after picking up a sandwich for lunch. As he start driving off, he start bitting on is sandwich. The Losapese guy (police officer) saw him eating while driving and he started chasing him. He pulled him over and told the poor guy that it is illigal to EAT and RUN then he wrote him a ticket and left. Poor guy stopped and start thinking of when did Chuuk State start that new Law.
    Com on Losapese, we can do better that. Let's get down on it and do it. Got Jokes?
  • When Walkie-Talkie was first introuced on the islands, these two Losapese older men came from Weno with their stories about these unkown talking devices. 'So, what do they call those thing?, one of the Losapese excitedly asked the older men. The first olderman said, 'they called it WAKINIKA.' Then the second older man was laughing out loud at the first older man with objection. 'It's not Wakinika, it's KINIWAKI.
  • Back in the early sixties, two elementary teachers from the outer-island arrived Yap proper for the summer workshop. One of them have saved enough money to buy motorcycle. They went to Blue Lagoon store and bought a moped and took for a test drive. They left and when they passed by the last gas station in town the fellow at the back yell, "maybe we don't have enough gas." The driver remark, "can't you see the gauge, the arrow is pointing to "E" and that means we have enough." They went about a mile and half and the moped stop. Both of them got out the moped and start argueing. An infamous yapese policeman came and arrested both of them for no license and operating a vehicle without proper knowledge.
  • Kun was an elderly kosraen fella from Utwe who was amongst the group recruited to aide the construction of the Kosraen Congregation church in Kolonia, Pohnpei. During their lunch break, the men gathered under a tree and ate. Something extraordinary caught Kun's eye as he watched one of the men sipped water from the ice frozen plastic bottled water. Kun was amazed at how the man was able to insert the huge ice cube into the bottle with such a small opening at the tip.

    NOTE: The bottle was frozen over-nite.
  • When the 1st chainsaws came to PNI, an elderly gent from Madolenihmw went to Federation to buy one for him. He paid for the saw, left, but was back at Federation 1st thing the next morning with the product. The salesman that sold him the product asked him how the chainsaw was, and angrily the elderly gent, replied, "You lying young man. Why you sell this American product? Don't you know it doesn't work?" The salesman, after profuse apologies asked the elder gent to accompany him to the back where they would test the chainsaw and see what the problem was. The salesman pulled the rope start on the chainsaw and sure enuf 1 pull and that chainsaw whirred to life with a loud noise (those are the old chainsaws), he turned around to see that the elder gent had literally jumped back about 10 feet, exclaiming, "Eiiiariii!! What the hell is that noise?" The salesman, at first dumbfounded, broke out in hysterical laughter; he realized that the elderly gentleman from Madolenihmw didn't have a clue on how to work the saw. He would just place it on wood and start the back and forth motion just like hand saws instead of pulling the thing to life.
  • One typhoon headed to the other part of Chuuk in 1960's, the Magistrate, this is what they call them then, now we call this people Mayor, walked around between houses telling people that it is time to go the the Church before the typhoon get to its full force and it'll be too late for them to go when strong winds blowing very hard. This elderly man in his 60's decided to stay home would not want to leave his house and his belongs, he said, if God wants me to die, i would die. so he did not go. Hours later, the winds strongly roaring at its full force 100ml per hr, strong as can be, every one esle already in the church family got together with their food supplies next with them, praying and singing asked God to protected them. at 6:21 PM, this old man rushing to the entrance door under the heavy rain and strong winds, because he was so scared, he jumped two feet inside the church from the entrance door, stood there naked, all the kids were gigling and the ohhhhh sound came from every corner.
  • You know you're an ISLANDER when...



    Your Mother says that at 25, you're too young to have a boyfriend.
    There is an accident and you are the only one laughing.
    Asked for the time, you say, "Sree Firty" instead of "Three Thirty."
    Your Mom has a better throwing arm than your dad.
    You find half a loaf of hard bread on the couch.
    You ask for a dust-pan and you get handed a magazine or a newspaper.
    You find a 6 year old kid still in p.jz playing in front of the house.
    Being whacked with a leather belt is considered discipline not child abuse.
    At any major function, instead of a plate, your food comes in a box that used to hold a 24-pack of soft drink or a taro/sweet potatoes box.
    You see someone chasing a kid around the house with a shoe or the broom.
    You run into a mountain of shoes blocking the front door.
    You find a life-time supply of instant noodles in the kitchen cupboards.
    You get a severe beating with a rubber sandal but had to go fetch it first.
    You have a huge gap between your first two toes, (excessive jandal wear.)
    You're the only ones swimming at the public pools with t-shirts on.
    You can sprint barefoot on sharp stones and rocks.
    You wake up and go out with boogers still in your eyes.
    You have an Aunty with a fully grown moustache.
    You go to a social/function and the band is wearing dark shades even though its late in the evening.
    Your first and last names are the same.
    You have a perpetually drunk Uncle who starts fights at family weddings and anybody elses.
    You call a computer - (gomputa), Coke - (Goke) and drugs - (trucks)
    You've been given a hiding by your Father that's lasted more than half and hour.
    Your sister has more muscular legs than your Father.
    You make that funny kissing sound with your lips when you're trying to get someones attention.
    You can speak with your face - eg. Twitch like a rabbit to ask, What do you want?"
    You call all cross-trainers/running shoes 'Air Chordans.'
    All cereals are called 'Gorn Flakes.'
    Your Grandmother thinks an Islander massage and Vicks Vapo-Rub or baby oil is the miracle cure for everything.
    You're getting a whoopen and your parents ask, "Why you cry for?"
    You've had your hair "searched" (for lice) by your Mother in front of friends or relatives.
    You think you're a *pro at volleyball.
    You have a huge banquet on Sunday and live on coco-rice for the rest of the week.
    You bring your palagi friends over to watch "FRIENDS" and just as it starts, your Mum turns the TV off and says, "Time for our family prayer..."
    Your prayerz take longer than an hour and you cover you eyes like you praying, but know you sleepin and u scared to snore so you be in half sleep
    You're at your Auntie's and see your 2 year old cousin doing fekau's.
    Your Aunty visits and shes talking to you at the same time as looking in your pots for food.
    You go to the islands rich and come back poor.
    NOW YOU KNOW YOU A FOB WHEN AT LEAST TWO OF THESE APPLY TO YOU ..LOL..
  • Sosohl is a fifth grader at Ohmine Elementary School. He be-friended a boy of his same age name Jerry from an african-american (negro) family that just moved in to the neighborhood from Michigan. Sosohl and his new friend always shared many things about life and stories of boys and girls and as usual, Jerry was always the talkative one as he had many things to talk about most especially about his experiences growing up in America which Sosohl was always so curios to learn about.

    One morning Sosohl pleaded his mom to give him $1.50. His mom, somewhat reluctant, gave him but asked... " What do you need the $1.50 for? " Sosohl cheerfully answered... " Am gonna buy me sum planters peanuts at Palm Terrace. " " Since when did you like peanuts? " his mom replied. Sosohl, not wanting to lie to his mom, in a lowered voice said.... " well, I dont really like peanuts, but Jerry said eating peanuts add inches to my thing. " The mom, shocked at what she just heard her lil boy said, looked around the room, regained her posture and said... " Sosohl, I don't ever want to hear you say that again, you hear! " " Now run-off! "

    For a week, Kaniki finally realized that every meal his wife served him had peanuts----peanuts in the chicken soup, peanuts with rice and fish and peanuts everywhere. He finally asked his wife... " Kanip, what's with the peanuts in my meals? " Kanip, in a serious tone simply responded.. " Oah, Kan, peanuts has plenty vitamins, it's good for you. " Of course, kaniki can't complain about eating something with lots of vitamins, so he approved of the peanut diet from there on and Kanip was always up to making meals from that day on without any complaints. She occasionally would dissapprove for then to eat out, she would always say.. " ohs, save money, I can cook! " .............and they lived happily ever after........ :-)
  • During the the early arrival of Peace Corp Volunteers in Chuuk, some were selected to go to Nama island. Their arrival made a big news on the island. As the new comers escorted to meet the awaiting crowds, they were greeted by young and old. These Volunteers were in shock to see how friendly those islanders were. Some of the islanders gave them "marmar", some coconuts. A lady was stood out among the crowd because she brought some shells to give to the Peace Corp Volunteer as her gifts. When her turn came, she gave each one of the Peace Corp Volunteers one shell. One of the Peace Corp Volunteers asked her, How much? The lady with the shells did not know English. So she tried to answered the question by saying, Ese i mach.

    much- sounds like mach
    mach-means stink to some of Chuukese

    The shell lady thought the new comers asked her if the shells were stink. Ese i mach means it's not stink.
  • Kids will often surprise you with some question and answer(s)

    Here is one about a 3-year old daughter. She came home from school one day and her mom asked her, Honey what did you learn today? The daughter answered saying, today we learned to make babies. Hearing that from a little, kind of speeding up her mom's heart beat. Her mom, just to assure herself that she just heard things, hope she did not hear what she heard, asked her little angel again. What honey, did you say you learned how to make babies? The little girl said, yes mommy. See it's easy. All you have to do is:---------her mom heart beat is stopped----------------------------------------- Baby +ies =Babies>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>mom's heart beat is normal>>>>>>>>>>>

    Her mom thought in term of 'children having children' but it was a relief after all.
  • A little boy and his mom went to the store. While in the store the little boy called out to his mom that he needed to pee.
    The mother rushed to him and pinched his mouth telling him not to use the word "pee", when there are people around. It's not a nice word to say. She told him to never say 'pee' again. Then she came up with a code and told her son that everytime he needed to go, all he gotta say is 'I wanna sing'.
    Later on that night, while everybody was asleep, the little was awaken needed to go to the restroom. So he woke his dad telling him that he wanted to sing. First his dad told him that he could not sing because it was too late and everybody was asleep. But, the little boy was crying and begging. He kept telling his dad that he really wanted to sing.
    Finally, the dad turned on his side and told his son, 'go ahead sing into my ear, but not too loud.'
  • 12/25/2004, two friends were hanging COM National campus. Both of them had Mobile Cell. One Chuukese and the other was from PNI. So, the Chuukese asked the Pohnpeian if he could use his cell to call their taxi. The guy handed to the Chuukese guy. The chuukese dialed it. He listened, for some reason, the Pohnpeian guy noticed that chuukese face turn red, his face frowned,and eyes wide opened. The Chuukese guy threw the cell into the wall. The Pohnpeian guy, asked, "what did you do with my cell?" Then the Chuukese guy said, 'Cuz ur cell is badmouthing me." Then the PNI guy asked, what did it say? Chuukese guy said, ur cell said, you do not have enough money to complete this call, thank you and goodbye.( Instead of " I am sorry, you do not have enough money to compete this call, thank you and goodbye.)
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