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MICRONESIAN JOKES
  • No Offense to anyone, but this forum needs smiley faces

    Micronesian Jokes:

    Q: What type of shark do Chuukese eat??
    A: Hammerhead Shark

    Q: Describe the Palauans in one word?
    A: Midnight

    Q: How to travel from Marshall to Hawaii?
    A: through Helicopter

    Q: When Yapese smile
    A: is it Night Time?

    Q: The Biggest Boobs in Micronesia?
    A: Sleeping Lady of Kosrae

    Q: What do you see in Guam?
    A: Filipinos

    Q: What's on Pohnpeians top menu?
    A: Mud

    Cheerio!



  • A filipino, chuukese, chamorro nd american riding in a helicopter, they couldnt fit in the helicopter so,

    The American said lets throw what we dnt need.

    The Chamorro got up, grabbed the Chuukese nd threw him over board.

    The American asked why nd he replied, we got many of them back home!!

    So the American got up nd grabbed the Filipino nd threw him.

    The chamorro replyed why him nd he replied we got many of them worldwide !!!
  • A pohnpeian,chuukese and a kosraen were working on a hotel in guam and it was lunch time.

    They all opened their lunch boxes and started eating , then allova sudden the pohnpeian threw his lunch box and said:I'm tired of eating pohnpeian food. i swear if my wife makes the same food tomorow i will jump off this hotel.

    The Kosraen not wanting to be outshine by the pohnpeian also threw away his lunch box and said:I'm also tired of eating kosraen food if my wife don't make something new tomorrow i will also jump off this hotel too.

    The chuukese also threw away his lunch box away and said to the kosraen and pohnpeian "If my wife makes the same chuukese food for me tomorrow i will also jump from this hotel.

    The next day all three of them were going on lunch break. The pohnpeian slowly opened his lunch box and said my wife made the same food. Then he jumped from the hotel to his death.

    The kosraen also slowly opened his lunch box and he said my wife also made the same food has yesterday. He also jumped to his death.

    The chuukese dude opened his lunch box saw the same food then he too jumped to his death.

    Later that night all three wifes of the dead men were interviewed by the Channel 4 news. The reporter ask the 3 wifes what they think caused their husbands to jumped.

    The pohnpeian women cried out loud and said he was complaining for a week about me making the same food over and over and that is what i think made him jumped.

    The Kosraen women cried and said my husband was also complaining about me making the same lunch over and over and i also think that is why he jumped.

    When the reporter turned to the chuukese women she was taken aback cause the chuukese lady wasn't crying like the pohnpeian and kosraen women but the chuuukese women was mad as hell.

    The reporter ask the chuukese women what she think caused her husband to jumped. The chuukese women said: THE HELL IF I KNOW WHY HE JUMPED, HE MADE HIS OWN LUNCH THIS MORNING!!!!
  • Nice one !! Hahaha...
  • A Chuukese young boy was riding with a Pohnpeian lawyer, a Kosraen Church Minister, a Yapese doctor on the Caroline Island Airlines coming in from the Mortlocks. 

    Halfway to Weno and the pilot announced, "We are encountering engine problem. We will have to jump from the plane. But the problem is we only have four parachutes. As you can see there are five of us. We decide who will have to jump without a parachute. One must risk the fall."

    Pohnpeian Lawyer: "I have an important court case in Chuuk so I must have one of the parachute." So he took the boy's and jumped.

    Kosraen Minister: "I am going to officiate a marriage today, so I will have one." And then jumped with one of the parachutes.

    Yapese Doctor: "The reason I'm here is to study the cause of the outbreak in Chuuk, so give me that parachute, young man." He said that to the poor young Chuukese boy and jumped off the plance.

    The pilot then turned to the boy and said, "Young man, maybe we should risk both of our lives using this one parachute."

    The young Chuukese turned to the pilot and said, "Thank you very much, sir. You are very thoughtful and considerate. God will bless you for your kindness. It is okay, you can go ahead and use that one."

    "What about you, young man?" You are too young to die, you have many years ahead of you. You may as well take mine since I am old and have only a few years to my life."

    "Sir, you don't understand. I have a parachute. The doctor took my backpack."
  • Idnt get that one.
  • Reread my good fellow, reread....
  • Hahahahaha !!! Lolz !! Thanx !! :-))
  • A filipino, chuukese, chamorro nd american riding in a helicopter, they couldnt fit in the helicopter so,

    The American said lets throw what we dnt need.

    The Chamorro got up, grabbed the Chuukese nd threw him over board.

    The American asked why nd he replied, we got many of them back home!!

    So the American got up nd grabbed the Filipino nd threw him.

    The chamorro replyed why him nd he replied we got many of them worldwide !!!



    yeah, there are 110 million Filipinos worldwide and growing. We will take over any country, including Micronesian countries 
  • Yes, that is right, but it is for the betterment of these localities: Filipinos can be anything deemed needed in our communities nowadays.
  • You are right Ennui, they're jack of all trades yet master of none.
  • Gosh Tdjakes !! Yhu makin it a seem like its part of hatred !! Sorry, but this is a joke. Yhur suppose to laugh not get mad !!
  • My engine hand on my fishing boat is Filipina. She is as hell a good worker. She can do most anything, from ceaning the hull to wiping the deck; setting the course and preparing the food.

    She told me this joke:

    .Q: What do we, Philippinos, call two pilots?
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    .A: A pair of pliers (flyers)
  • this thread made my day :Dimage
  • Lolz :-))
  • A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak
    accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that,
    unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded. So they each have to answer a question
    correctly for admission.


    The teacher is
    first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?” 


    “Phew, that one’s
    easy,” says the teacher, “The Titanic.” 


    “Alright,” said
    St.Peter, “you may pass.”


    Then the thief
    got his question: “How many died on the Titanic?”


    The thief
    replied, “That’s a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is
    1500 people.” And so he passed through.


    Last, St. Peter
    gave the lawyer his question:


    “Name them.”

  • background:white">A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
    the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
    there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there
    in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
    actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
    sing for joy. A pa
    ssing cat heard
    the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
    discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and
    ate him.



    Moral of the story:

    1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy

    2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
    friend


    3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep
    your mouth shut !

  • Remwanech and Nikontina died in a canoe accident a day before they got married. Fortunately, they confessed all their sins before they went out on their canoe. So they went straight to Heaven.

    At the gate, they asked St. Peter if they can be married there in Heaven. St. Peter told them that he would have to ask the priest.

    After a while, St. Peter came back and said it was alright. But because it took some time before St. Peter returned, Remwanech asked him if things did not really work out after getting married, would it be okay to divorce.

    St. Peter was kina upset and said, "You know how long it took me to look for a priest? Six months. If it took me that long to look for the priest, how long do you think it woul take me to look for a lawyer?"

  • There was a gardener at a church, who thought he would let all his anger out after consuming a case of beer; however, because he couldn't differentiate a case of Budweiser from a case of Pepsi cola, he ended up bloating his stomach with Pepsi caffeine without the push to let his anger out from the alcohol.

    So, he went to the priest  and begged him for wine. When the priest turned him down, he hid inside the church and stole all the wines. The priest got mad and endeared to have the guy arrested. The guy got arrested, arraigned, and put on trial, then convicted.

    During sentencing, the judge asked everyone in the court room, if there was something the court should know before sentencing the guy. One parent who observed the proceedings closely, raised his hand, stood up and said: Your honor judge, I wish the gardener had stolen all the wines when I was an altar boy. He just rescued the altar boys.

  • if you guys enjoy some good ol Chuukese jokes then u guys should check out this fb page: https://www.facebook.com/madeinchuuk

    couldn't stop laffing the day i found this pagee haha
  • Three chuukese ladies were in a plane crash and died. They got to heaven and saw St. Peter at the Pearly Gate and he said to them, before you can go in you must answer a question. So the first one step up and St Peter asked her, Who is the first man on earth? She said Adam. The gate open and she walked in. The second one stepped up and St. Peter asked, who is the first woman on earth,she answered, Eve and the gate open and she walked in. The third woman stepped up and St Perer asked, what did Eve said to Adam when she first met him, the woman thought for few minutes and said wow that's a hard one, the gate open and she walked in.
  • I was ready to  board a bus heading to  down town Honolulu when this chuukes young man approach me and ask if I could spare a dollar for  his bus fare, he went on by  assuring me that he will fax the dollar to me later on. Me, looking at this bunk and shake my head, I spare him the dollar anyway LOL!..

     

  • Kawika said:

    Three chuukese ladies were in a plane crash and died. They got to heaven and saw St. Peter at the Pearly Gate and he said to them, before you can go in you must answer a question. So the first one step up and St Peter asked her, Who is the first man on earth? She said Adam. The gate open and she walked in. The second one stepped up and St. Peter asked, who is the first woman on earth,she answered, Eve and the gate open and she walked in. The third woman stepped up and St Perer asked, what did Eve said to Adam when she first met him, the woman thought for few minutes and said wow that's a hard one, the gate open and she walked in.




    =D> =)) =D> =))
  • A deacon from the Catholic Church and a Preacher from the
    Protestant church on an island competed arduously to convert the whole of the
    island from their medieval beliefs to Christianity. In the afternoon, both
    would contact mass at their respective churches in the village, preaching the
    word of god to the villagers.



    For over a month, majority of the Catholic Church goers stop
    going to the Catholic Church. They are starting to join the Protestant church
    during their evening mass. The deacon got offended and determined to
    investigate the cause of his followers leaving his church. At the same time, he
    wanted to intimidate his close relatives that left his church.



    On a Sunday evening, while the deacon was waiting for the
    people to arrive at the Protestant church, the Protestant preacher call a young
    girl and gave her money to buy two batteries size AA for his flash light. The
    young girl took the money and ran enthusiastically to a small store at a nearby
    village. When the Catholic deacon saw the young girl, he called out to her,
    telling her to see him on her return.



    When the young girl returned, the Catholic deacons’ anger
    was already boiling, seeing majority of the villagers walking to the Protestant
    Church. The deacon asked the young girl where she went. When he found out that the
    girl bought batteries for the Protestant Preacher, something clicked on his
    mind and decided to observe closely what the Preacher does with batteries.



    The deacon went back to his house and took his sword. When
    he saw the Protestant preacher and the young girl walking to the Protestant
    church, he followed them and stood outside. He observed the preacher as he
    preached.



    As usual, in the past few weeks, the preacher would read
    from the bible very slow, taking his time, contacting the mass late into the
    evening, so everyone would be sleepy and not pay much attention to what he did.
    Instead, they would just listen to him until he ordered them to observe a small
    beam of light coming from the roof of the building that ends at his back.



    As the Preacher was preaching, the deacons’ anger grew
    unbearable. The deacon decided to un-shield his sword and walked inside the
    church, while the preacher was positioning the flashlight at his back to flash
    it. When the preacher ordered the audience to observe the light, the deacon
    walked toward the preacher and pulled the flashlight from his back. He turned
    toward the audience, held his sword up while flashing the flashlight and
    shouted at the audience: “By the power of my sword I destroyed your god and
    intimidate your preacher. Leave this church now, or else I will cut this flashlight into
    pieces !

  • Where's the punchline?
  • Once on up on a time, there was a family from Micronesia. This family has a only one child. He is a boy. One day, the father went shower with their young son. In the middle of showered, son asked his dad. Dad, what is that? And dad said, what? Son said, that. Dad said, oh! It is a banana. Son said, oh. Ok. Next day, the mother went to shower with son too. Son asked his mom the same question and said, is a monkey. Few nights later, son woke up in the middle of the night and saw that his mom on the top of his dad. Son asked, mom what did you do to dad? Mom said, nothing. Just go back to sleep son. Son said, you feed that monkey to that banana? Both said, yes... go sleep. lol
  • What is a Chuukese favorite restaurant??

    image

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